Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Nutritional Supplements for the Extremely Paranoid

Like many people, you take vitamin and mineral supplements, and you don't want them contaminated with colorants like titanium dioxide or caustic additives like ascorbic acid. Unlike most people, you worry about it a lot.

Let Organic Complex Distributors give you what you truly want: peace of mind. OCD nutritional supplements are completely free of additives, and are without question the safest products on the market. While not technically a vitamin or mineral, they contain no cereal fillers, no questionable GMO algal extracts, and absolutely no retinol, which can cause skin irritation.

You don't have to worry about PCB's because we don't use Alaskan salmon, Arctic-sourced krill or triple filtered cod liver oil. We realized that these sources are simply not safe enough.

It doesn't stop there. We don't use dangerous androgen-inhibiting plastics or glass bottles that leach heavy metals. And because paper is saturated with dioxins and aluminum foil will give you Alzheimer's, you won't see these dangerous materials in our product.

We even fret about things you haven't become obsessed with yet. What about that horrible "pill factory air" in those other vendor's bottles? And hey, is that wad of cotton organic? It really doesn't matter, because it could still give you Morgellons Disease.

Are you starting to see why our product is the only one you should trust? Our "Piece of Mind" brand supplements provide 100% guaranteed peace of mind because that's all you get. Nothing else. And nobody sells nothing like we do.

Not happy? Return the unused portion to us for a full refund.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Amazon Reviews #2

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Customer Review
3.0 out of 5 stars

leaden angst wrapped in fur and amber contact lenses

When I sit down to watch a sexy vampire flick with a mason jar of chardonnay and two boxes of moisturizing tissues, I expect more than leaden angst wrapped in fur and amber contact lenses.

Perhaps this should be renamed to Twilight: Breaking Hymn (did I spell that correctly? *cough*). Sort of like those naughty love ballads sung by wandering minstrels. You know the ones? They go on verse after verse with some fairly broad metaphors:

The moon through yonder window did break, and its light in and out of the window did shine, all night long, until the bird cried out in the morning, 'coo! coo!'

If you think that's hot, then you'll thrill to the glacial pacing of this epic nuptial that remains frozen in time, like Edward's icy and tumescent love for Bella.